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:: Essays: ...and the GOD started cribbing! (Humor)

It was a usual day, or rather I should say - end of a usual day. I was about to go to bed. Tired as always and desperate for a good sleep. I switched off the light and just collapsed on the bed.


Turning and tossing for a while and finally laying flat on my back I started staring at the ceiling, which was as empty as my life. Correction! The ceiling was still better. It had a fan, giving out some good air. I didn’t even have that.

As I pitied myself over the complex, the ceiling gave me, a sudden shift of thought guided me to the one, who was behind the whole mess – the so-called GOD. I decided to have a ‘Man-To-Man’ with the GOD. But I knew he was one big loser. He wouldn’t face me. I waited for him for long, but he didn’t turn up as expected. Finally, my tired eyes said –
“Let the GOD go to hell, I am going to sleep.”

I obliged, after all there was another to deal with. I needed some rest. My eyes closed into illumination. YES! Illumination, not Darkness.
The bugger had a style of entry. He first blinded you with solid-powered glow lights and then appeared from behind as if he was a star of some ‘glam’ show.
He came and stood in front of me and I cursed the imaginations of the artists who for zillions of years drew such beautiful smiling images of GODS and ANGELS.
This guy in front of me, seemed like someone who has just been robbed while commuting to Work. There was no sign of a smile on his face. He seemed more deserted than the SADDAM’S oil field after the war with BUSH.
I giggled at the thought but the poor chap didn’t take it sportingly. He grumbled beneath his breath.

GOD - “Now, what is it? What brings you here?”
ME – “Hello! You are in my house. I should ask you that question.”
GOD – “Stop pestering me, come to the damn point.”

I sensed he was in a real bad mood. Perhaps, might not have got his salary on time, I said to myself.
Damn, my thoughts and damn the guy who doesn’t posses one funny bone. In fact the guy didn’t posses any bone for that matter. Poor chap was floating on air as if one whistle would make a hole through him.

GOD - “Will you speak now or do I have to spank you to bring you to your senses?”
ME – “OK, Let me get into that mode and while I am talking please don’t interfere.”
GOD – “Hmmm.”

ME – “Hmmm...hmmm…”

I cleared my throat. I was waiting for this moment. I had prepared real hard for it. I wanted it to go perfectly well.

ME – “Dear GOD, why have you given me this life? What is the use of this life? What the hell were thinking? First tell me, who gave you the dumb idea to create this world? And even if someone gave you why the hell did you take it.  Such a mess you have made out of it. Didn’t you have anything better to do than creating people and messing up their life? What a jerk you have been.”

GOD - “You…”

ME – “I told you not to interfere. You can’t even do one thing properly or what?
Now, sit quite while I finish my prayer.”
ME – “Dear God, as I was saying, you have been a real jerk. I don’t know who appointed you for this job but you are definitely not fit to be a GOD.”
ME - “I some time feel, you are a sadistic character, who derives pleasure from watching all this mediocrity. Why else would you play this bloody senseless, endless and purposeless game of life?”
ME – “My life has been such a mess because of you. Why is my life so empty and meaningless? You have created the whole universe and yet left me lonely. WHY? Why is that I cannot find one person, who would never hurt me, who would never try to change my ways, who would accept me just the way I am and most importantly who would understand me for who I truly am.”


I was done and was hoping to hear some real kind words to console my troubled heart. I smiled and looked at GOD with faith. I kept looking and he appeared like an amateur stage actor who had forgotten his line. He was totally lost, it seemed.
I waited for a while, but then my patience gave way to my anger.

ME - “Will you speak now? And stop acting like my girlfriend. Even she goes dumb when she is mad at me. For God’s sake speak damn it.”

GOD - “What did you just say?”

ME - “Damn it!”

GOD – “No, Damn it! Before that”

ME – “Oh that, I was talking about my girlfriend. Don’t tell me you didn’t knew about her.”

GOD – “NO! Jerko!!! Even before that.”

I thought for a while, what the hell was he pointing at after all? Anyways, I repeated him the last sentence of the prayer.

ME – “…who would understand me for who I truly am?”

GOD - “So you want someone to understand you.”

Me – “Duh!!!”

GOD – “I being GOD, couldn’t find one for myself, then how the hell do you think, you can have one for yourself.”

ME - “What the hell are you blabbering. We are discussing my problem here. Lets deal with that first.”

GOD – “Oh, you selfish human. I am ashamed, I created you.”

ME – “ And I too am ashamed of you. Now, just answer my question.”

GOD – “You answer my questions first.”

ME – “Ok damn it, have it your way. As if you had ever given us a choice to live our life our way.”

GOD – “Hmmm… Now, we are talking…”

GOD – “Why do you come to me?”

ME – “Because you are GOD, why else?”

GOD – “What do you mean by GOD?”

ME – “Are you kidding me? GOD means GOD, what else – the jerk who is responsible for this entire mess called UNIVERSE.”

GOD – “And…”

ME – “So you want to hear your own praising. Fine so be it.”

ME – “By, GOD we humans mean one who created this universe, one who runs this universe and the one who has the power to end this universe.”

ME – “And that is why we pray to you, so you can take care of us, fulfill our wishes and helps us in our needs.”

GOD – “So you do agree that I am the one running the show.”

ME- “YES, YES, YES, You are the one running the damn show. What so great about it.”

GOD – “There lies the problem. You humans will talk about me, praise me, and pray to me, still refrain from understanding me. You will recite prayers for millions time but not for once, ponder over what is being said in those prayers. If you had believed in the prayers and followed my commandments, life wouldn’t have been such a mess for you.”
GOD – “You humans tend to assume that you run your life. If that is so, why do you come to me then? Is it not because somewhere within, you know some things are beyond your capability? In fact, nothing is in your hand. That’s what I have said in my teachings and verses, which you have comfortably ignored.”
GOD – “when you do know that all that is happening is my work and no person has any choice over whatever he or she goes through, then how can you take the credit for anything or blame someone for anything. If you realize this, then you would also realize that there is just no reason whatsoever to blame any person for any thing wrong that happens to you. And the day you realize this there would be peace in not only your life but also around you.”
GOD – “Tell me honestly, aren’t all your problems related to the expectations you have from people and life. You expect from people, because you think they could have acted differently in a given situation. But could they? When I govern the whole universe, when even your breath is in my control, is it not the case that it is me who acts through you as well as the every other human being. There is no you - who is doing anything in reality. All there is, is ‘ME’ and my infinite reflections. When you come to terms with this truth, you will no longer expect anything from your life, simply because when you don’t exist in reality then what importance will this life hold to you. Wouldn’t it be just a play, which you are part of? A play that is just meant for entertainment and has no other purpose?”
GOD – “Kapeesh?”

ME - “Yes, I have understood, you are not going to solve my problem. If that was so, you could have told me so before. Why the hell are you lecturing me for nothing, you are worse than my DAD.”

That’s all I said and the damn God who was standing in front of me, disappeared suddenly and appeared from behind me. And then there was a ‘Rocking’ sound and I fell out of my bed. When I woke up I was back to my usual rut, only difference now was that there was a strong pain near my lower waist as if someone had kicked me real hard.

So much for saying my prayers before going to bed, what the hell!

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